Frustration *or* Did My Boss Really Just Yell at Me for Peeing?

Current Habit: Exercising, Day 1

Deryn: Today is the first day of a brand new habit: Working out for 30 minutes every day.  It could not have come at a better time.

The past few days at work have been particularly frustrating.  So frustrating, in fact, that the 2 days of being away from work still weren’t enough for me to become un-frustrated.  That’s especially amazing considering I can cure just about any bad mood by playing no more than three Bon Jovi songs.  Livin’ on a Prayer, Baby!  Then this afternoon I was reprimanded for going to the restroom.  No, really.  That’s what happened.

One of my responsibilities is to answer the phone.  That, in itself, is frustrating enough, considering I don’t do anything with customers except answer the phone and forward the call to the person they actually need to talk to.  There are only 2 people that anyone ever calls to speak with, and I am not one of them.  Why don’t they answer the phone?  I just don’t know.  So when it was 2:45, I’d already been working for 7 hours,  and I had still not gotten a chance to eat my lunch (which is almost always done at my desk because heaven forbid I take an actual lunch break), I figured it was a prudent time to use the restroom.  I just really had to pee, man!  It’s not that the day was particularly hectic, I was just trying to focus on finishing a project.  When I got back to my desk – literally one minute later – my boss was in a tizzy.  “What if the phone had rung? … Why didn’t you bring the phone with you to the restroom?”  No, my boss apparently could not have answered the phone.  No, we don’t have voice mail.  And no, our customers are apparently too stupid to call back a little later if nobody answers.

After that whole extravaganza had calmed down, it occurred to me that tonight is the first day of a whole new work out routine!  What a great day to get rid of some stress!  Rather than using beer to make me feel better, I’ll take some endogenous opioid peptides, otherwise known as endorphins.

I’m really excited about this one for a few reasons:

1) When I have been in shape in the past, I never really appreciated it.  I was so focused on looking like someone else that I didn’t fully appreciate what it looked like to just be a good-looking version of myself.

2) I’d like to be able to do things when I’m older.  Being out of shape or unhealthy just doesn’t seem like a fun way to go about life.

3) Gotta love the endorphins!

The real test for me is going to be how I feel once I get home.  I’ve never worked out every day for 21 days in a row.  Usually I’ll get on a work out kick and do well for about a week or two, but then the determination fades.  Once my pans are starting to fit a little tightly again, the work out routine comes back in to play.  21 days is a great because it seems possible without being daunting.  Luckily, I’ll probably have the same job for the next three weeks and that’s proven to be a consistent source of stress and anger.  At least I won’t run out of motivation.

How’s that for optimism?

Exhaustion *or* 5 Things That Really Get on My Nerves When I’m Short on Sleep

Current Habit:  Waking Up Early, Day 18

Sophie: So I have learned that I really enjoy waking up earlier – the morning is a whole new time of day that I never knew existed.  It’s peaceful, quiet, relaxing, and dark, and my days are finally not starting off with the immediate rush of being late.   I have also learned that it’s hard to go to bed early enough to get 9 hours of sleep when waking up at 6 A.M.  I’ve ALSO learned that when I don’t get 9 hours of sleep, I get a little cranky, and some things just really get on my nerves…Here are the top 5:

1.    Wal-Mart – I angrily swore off Wal-Mart 3 times in the first week of my waking up early.  Why 3 times, you say?  Because I was so tired, that I repeatedly forgot I had sworn it off until I went back and was unnerved all over again.  Seriously, and I swear by this mantra – Wal-Mart never fails to disappoint.  Whether one cart wheel is pulling severely to the right, some woman’s 5 screaming kids are running around unattended, they’ve discontinued my organic whole grain waffles to make room for the 18th variety of Eggo, some mysterious sticky substance has found its way onto my hands, or 15 employees are standing around doing nothing while I wait in line for 30 minutes, it’s ALWAYS a miserable experience.  Target, I’m all yours.

2.    Poor Timing of Stop Lights – There are companies out there that you can pay to take care of this for you, Dallas.  I should never hit all 10 stop lights on my way to work. Ever. You fail.

3.   Kids in My Apartment Complex – Dear Parents: Yes, I know my apartment is uber-awesome with its view of the pool and enormous grass area just outside the patio.  This does not mean you should come hang out there with your screaming kids every single day.  How about I come sit outside your window and sound a Vuvuzela at 7 A.M. on Saturday?  Because that’s how annoying I find your kids.  You’re lucky I’m already awake, or your kid would be learning some new words.  And just because they’re outside does not make it ok for them to scream.  If they were being bludgeoned to death, I wouldn’t know, because it sounds exactly the same as your Saturday morning Frisbee game.  ITS.NOT.OK.  If you don’t go away, I will “forget” to pick up my dog poop for the next few days.  Good luck with that.

4.    Boyfriend’s short attention span – And I’m not exaggerating, he can barely let me finish my sentence before he’s spurting out his next, completely unrelated thought without even attempting to engage in the conversation that I was having.  I officially have no more patience for this and have begun calling him out on it.  This is probably good for our communication, but in the meantime I’m just annoyed.

5.    Stupid People – I know, they’re everywhere, they’re taking over, and we really just need to come to terms with this inevitability.  But there’s still a part of me that wishes my favorite TV shows weren’t repeatedly canceled because they’re too “high brow” for the majority, and Jennifer Aniston’s dates weren’t considered front-page news.  But alas, it appeals to the masses, and the masses are stupid.

End Rant.

Communication and Relationships *or* Telling the Boyfriend

Current Habit: Reading, day 5

Sophie: So, as posted in my bio, it should be known that I am private to a comical extent.  Deryn thinks this is hilarious, as apparently other people don’t do it to this extreme.  The first time the two of us hung out alone (we met through mutual friends) was on the way to a roller derby bout.  Neither of us had watched a derby bout before and were excited about the idea of doing something new.  This led to a whole conversation about “having adventures”, keeping life exciting and not becoming “Empty Shell People” – deep stuff for a first interaction :).  Because of the ease of conversation with her, I opened up pretty quickly – but to be honest, this is stuff I haven’t even told my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years.  I was surprised to discover THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!  At the time, it was really funny, but after the fact I was a bit concerned for the state of my relationship.  This sets a good foundation for the topic of this post – introducing Habitual Me to Boyfriend.

When Deryn and I first decided to move forward with this idea, she jokingly asked “So….how long before you tell Boyfriend about the blog?” umm….when he realizes I’ve made an awful lot of drastic changes recently?  I took this as a bit of a self-challenge, and decided I was going to *gasp* tell boyfriend *doublegasp* before we even started the blog…  After all, I am trying to work on my communication skills.  So about a week later (yes it took me that long to work up to it) I nervously sat at a mexican restaurant across the dinner table from the man I’ve shared my time with for so long, preparing every word I was about to say…”So, umm, Deryn and I were talking the other night….and apparently I don’t tell you things, and I’m sorry for that” gee, how eloquent.  But he expressed appreciation, and I proceeded to tell him about the blog.  It couldn’t have been more awkward on my part, and I think that made it awkward for him – but at least it’s progress!!

When it came time to actually start our habits (the first being reading every day) of course my concern went to – what will I do on the nights I spend at his house?  I work with him – out of his house – and spend about every other night at his place, so I will need to be doing a lot of these things there.  This means A) My habits will not be enforced by doing them in the same environment every day (which apparently helps reinforce them), B) I’m really going to need to prepare ahead of time what I will need to stick to this commitment and C) I’m going to have to tell Boyfriend about every one of these habits…. I think I’m up to the challenge.  The first habit is simple enough – I just need to read for 30 minutes a day.  As Boyfriend sat on his couch playing video games, I picked up my book and began to read…and Boyfriend began to talk.  Reading and listening don’t generally happen at the same time. Coincidentally, at the same time I was reading in my book (“Brain Rules”) about how your brain cannot multitask and wastes so much time switching from one task to another and back…so I explained to Boyfriend the importance of sticking to these habits that I value.  I was shocked at what happened next…

…he said “OK, thanks for letting me know” and continued playing his game.  Wow, that was easy..  So communication isn’t so bad, and keeping things completely private isn’t that great.  Day 2 and this is already improving my life in unexpected ways.

Introduction *or* A Journey of a Thousand Miles and All That Stuff

SOPHIE: I was lying in bed one night thinking about the changes I would like to make in my life.  I’ve been in a relationship for a REALLY long time (4 ½ years) and, through no fault of my boyfriend, have become bored and unhappy.  I realize that this has nothing to do with us, and more to do with my own satisfaction with who I am at this point in my life.  I’ve always wished I were ‘fit’, ‘classy’, or just really talented at something.

Somewhere in this thought process I was reminded of something I once heard – It takes 2 weeks to establish a habit.  I did a little research and found that it’s actually 3 weeks, and it’s not just a saying – it’s actually supported by a theory called Psycho-Cybernetics.  If it really takes 3 weeks to create a habit, then in one year I could create 17 habits!  I could really be whoever I choose with 17 changes.  I thought to myself “How awesome would it be to really go through with that; to take one year, figure out everything I want to be, and just do what it takes to get there?”

And so begun the list of characteristics I wanted to embody.

I’m a very private person (apparently to a comical extent) so I kept this to myself for a little while before running the idea by the one person I tell all my ridiculous inner-dialogue to – my roommate, Deryn.

DERYN: When Sophie first came to me with the idea for Habitual Me, I was enthralled.  We have had so many conversations about how people in our lives “surrender” to life rather than embracing it.  Some of our friends are getting married, having children and/or starting careers, but many seem to be resigned to a life that was assigned to them.  Countless times, Sophie and I had come to the conclusion that we would never become “Empty Shell People” – an idea from “Under the Tuscan Sun” that we had discussed when we were first getting to know each other.  An Empty Shell Person is someone who floats through life with no passion or excitement.  Empty Shell People do what they think is expected of them and resign themselves to whatever life just happens to plop in their laps.

Habitual Me, more than anything, is about taking control over my life during a time when it feels like I have very little power.  I recently realized that if I don’t make a change soon, then I’d be in danger of becoming a dreaded Empty Shell Person.  I go to my job because I can’t find one that pays any better.  I live a very specific (i.e., limited) lifestyle because my budget can’t handle anything else.  My student loans and current salary determine how often I buy new clothes, if I can go to my friend’s birthday party at that restaurant, if I can drive to the far side of town to run a particular errand.

The idea of Habitual Me is so appealing because it gives me the power back.  I now get to choose who I am as a person in a way that will (hopefully) stick.  In one year, I get to be the person I choose.  There are many things that I don’t know about myself: What my career path will be, What I’m looking for (if anything at all) in a long-term relationship, What my 5 year plan is, What my life has in store for me in the next year, etc.  I do know the type of person I want to be, the kind of coworker and employee I’d like to be seen as, the kind of daughter and sister I want to be, and how I want my nieces to think of me.

BOTH: So here we go!

Habitual Me is based on the theory that it takes 21 days to create a new habit (or break an old one).  21 days is a conceivable amount of time to commit to one thing, rather than just arbitrarily deciding “I’m going to be a different person in a year!” with no real plan mapped out.  We thought the best way for us to do this was to work backwards.

With these thoughts in mind, we (Sophie and Deryn) are beginning a one-year quest to become the people we’ve always wanted to be.  We started by brainstorming personality characteristics we admire in other people such as ‘classy’, ‘musical’, ‘generous’, ‘well-read’ etc.  Then, we came up with “habits” that correspond with these characteristics.  For example, a ‘fit’ woman – to us – exercises, meditates and eats healthy.  Now that we have a complete list of the 17 habits we will incorporate into our daily lives over the next year (21 days at a time) we can start our journey!  Ideally, we will continue with each habit after the designated 21 days end, because – after all – that’s the point!

For our complete list, see the “About Habitual Me” page.

So it’s officially day 1, and our FIRST HABIT is reading at least 30 minutes a day during week one, and at least an hour a day during weeks 2-3 in order to become well-read.  And we are both already wanting to watch T.V. instead :).  Time to suck it up and get things off on the right foot.

Right now Sophie is reading Brain Rules by John Medina

and

Deryn is reading Quarterlife Crisis by Alexandra Robbins and Abby Wilner